Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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