Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize