my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When are your genitals available?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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