I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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