A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
