He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize