I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
