my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
