OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
