omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
