3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
