OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
