For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
