i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
