If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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