you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
