4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize