So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
