When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
