Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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