but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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