Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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