Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
