You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize