My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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