And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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