There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I party with great urgency now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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