My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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