just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
