My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
