That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
