At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
