I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
