you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
