i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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