my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
