Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
