I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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