Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
