I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
