My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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