People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
being pregnant is like rehab
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
