Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
