I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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