Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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