Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
