how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
