last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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