K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
