this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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