make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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