it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
