I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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