What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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