and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm having to shit out rocks
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
