He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
