her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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