so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
