he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
