just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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