a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
