i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
