Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
