you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
