I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
