we have pet lesbian snakes
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
