Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
