do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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