your parents love me but you hate me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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