I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
