I can text with my tongue
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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