I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
