why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
