i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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