if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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