Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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